Double Standards

Whether it be professional or personal there are always going to be those people that wear a “Crown of Hypocrisy” and lately it seems like I am surrounded by many candidates for that title. It’s inescapable really, some people just want to look at all the negatives in other people before they ever once consider that they could be the problem at hand. Sometimes it can be harder to deal with but nine times out of ten all that negativity and hypocrisy is eventually going to catch up and it’s only then that these people are going to realize that it is them at fault and no one else.

In my life I have always tried to see the positives in everything, no matter how grim the situation may be and in my professional life that is almost always my approach. Yes there are the days where I just really want to say screw this I’m done but it is because of all those days that I have been better able to strengthen myself in my position, and in my relationships. This is because I know that when I’m at work, I am fully backed up by an amazing team of people that want to see me succeed and even though they hate me sometimes we work through those problems until we find a solution benefitting everyone. Also, as much as manager meetings suck, they really help in reestablishing the reason that all of us are there. Today I had another one and the whole three hours we talked about how to build a stronger team, not how one person can out do the other and I think that’s the way that it should be. Unfortunately not everyone thinks like that and it’s these people that make it difficult to persevere.

Let me just give one example, lately one of my friends has been a bit over the top with everything and I just really want to get this out. Let’s call her Patricia for the sake of anonymity. Patricia has for the most part pushed me out of her life for the simple reason that she thinks I don’t make time for her. Well here’s what she does not understand. Most weeks I’ll be scheduled off Monday and Tuesday and work every day the rest of that week and then on the next schedule I won’t have a day off until the next weekend so I am then working ten days straight and getting home around one in the morning on a good night. Yes I am young and my energy is higher than those of my peers but 10 days of 8 hour shifts with almost no breathing room, especially in a management position, is physically, emotionally, and mentally draining and by that next weekend the only thing I really want to do is curl up in bed with my partner and my dog and drink 10 gallons of beer. There’s also the fact that the weekends are the only time my partner and I get to spend together where we don’t have a conflicting schedule so for us these days are days to enjoy each other’s company.

According to Patricia this is me being a bad friend and not making time for her. Now I’m reasonable and when I have the time during the week I gladly go to spend it with her but when I don’t or I’m really just too exhausted from the night before I let her know that. Nope, still being a bad friend here. Now here’s where the title of the post comes into play. Patricia says that I can’t make time for her and yet if it’s her who is too tired to hang out or she has things to do around her house then it is ok for her to say no to me. Also in terms of relationships, when she was with her ex-boyfriend she made plans with him all of the time. There was even a few times that we had planned to go somewhere and things came up at work that caused me to no longer be able to go and she took him instead. I never had any problems with this, I gladly let her spend time with him because I knew it made her happy. I can recall many times I asked her if she could go out with me and she said no because of plans she’d already made with him. Now that I am the one saying no to her it’s not ok.

So my question is, what makes it ok for you to say no to me but if I say no for literally the same reasons as you, I become the villain.

This isn’t a problem with just her though, I also encounter a lot of the same problems at work. One day I could be the star of the show and everything I do is gold and the next day I could come in and do everything the same way as the day before and nothing is right. There’s also the fact that favoritism is evident. Some managers will get away with certain things while others will get written up for doing that same exact thing.

Really, if I can learn anything from these people it is that I should strive to keep on seeing the positives and that if I say one thing to one person I am not going to turn around and do something completely different. I was raised in a family where your word is your word and if you break it there are consequences. I was also raised by the standards of treating others the way I want to be treated. Well on my end I am holding that up and treating you with respect. It is not my job to make sure you do the same and if you don’t then I obviously just don’t need you in my life. If anyone reading this could take away just one thing from this post, then I hope it is to always stay positive no matter how difficult other people try to make it for you. If you have any story’s of your own go ahead and share and if you like this post then please, share away.

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